My vision as a mum…..

From the moment I found out I was to become a mum, an image of myself as a mother began to develop. For me, I had envisaged myself as the earth mama. Floating through the air in flowing skirts, flowers in my hair and a baby snuggled up close in a bohemian baby wrap. In my vision I was radiant, glowing and carefree, unconfined by the shackles of routine. No, there was not going to be a routine in our family, our baby would easily slot into our lifestyle and things were not going to change too much. Let’s just say I was a touch deluded.

I bet you, like me, had a vision for your life as a mum, one that perhaps did not quite come to fruition as you had imagined. A vision that drifted off course amidst the chaos, the sleepless nights and the endless nappies.

The reality of a newborn fractured this image hard and fast. My eldest son Arlo entered the world screaming his little lungs out and my husband and I just looked at one another shell shocked. This baby was loud (and still is almost 4 years on!). I soon learned the hard way that as a highly sensitive person and empath, I could not bear to hear my baby cry for fear he was in pain, and I embarked on an impossible mission to try and fill his every whim.

I became an anxious insomniac….

unable to switch off, and as a result, I struggled to produce enough milk. Rather than supplement with formula I put pressure on myself to pump 24/7 to try and increase my supply and be able to supplement daily feeds. This went on for four months until I could take it no longer and started supplementing with formula. I felt like a failure.

This story may seem familiar to other mothers, like me, that found the transition to motherhood a difficult time. Sadly, my initiation into the tribe of mothers was also paved with grief and loneliness. My mother-in-law sadly passed away two weeks prior to Arlo’s birth, and my family were all based in the UK.

At this time I also felt like I’d lost my identity. I was no longer the carefree independent woman I used to be and I struggled to adjust to what was now expected of me, the responsibility that came with being a mother, and also what I expected of myself. I started to doubt myself all the time and lost connection to my intuition, relying on advice from those around me which mostly did not serve me.

Even though the insomnia and anxiety improved, I had not really fully restored myself back to health and vitality before I fell pregnant again and gave birth to my second son Henry 19 months later. I was more relaxed and confident this time round, however, by the time Henry reached 8 months old and I started to emerge from my baby fog cocoon, it hit me that I was not living the life I’d envisioned.

Externally, things looked pretty good. I was living in the house of my dreams a stone’s throw from the beach with a loving supportive husband and two beautiful boys. Yet something was not quite right inside, and I felt lonely and empty. This only served to make me feel guilty.

I was waking up feeling tired and lacking energy for the day, often grumpy and irritable and had just lost my inner sparkle and zest for life. My mood was impacting my relationship with my husband and I was not showing up for my kids how I wanted.

I’d always valued consistency, kindness and compassion in parenting yet I was riding an emotional rollercoaster which only allowed these qualities to surface in fleeting moments.

I was on a slippery slope to living a life lacking in joy and happiness and I did not want to look back on these precious early years with regret having wished them away and not fully embraced the snuggles, the cute moments, the being the centre of their world.

My defining moment

It took one defining moment to ignite a strong enough desire within me to change the course of my life to become the parent and person I aspired to be.

Strangely, this moment was not unique or isolated. I lost my shit and yelled at Arlo, releasing my own pent up frustration. There was nothing particularly new about this, it had happened before, but this particular time, I really saw how it impacted him rather than being caught up in my own emotions. I watched his eyes well up and his little face crumple with confusion and in that moment he actually looked scared. I felt terrible and vowed that I would turn my life around so that I would no longer take out my frustration on my boys. I aspire to be a conscious and respectful parent and reacting in this way did not align with my values, nor did I want to teach my boys that it’s ok to react to their emotions by yelling at others.

Through a process of self reflection, awareness and upgrading my parenting mindset, I discovered I had inherited parenting fears, negative beliefs, and reactive behavioural patterns from my own childhood, which in turn impacted the way I interacted with my children when tired, stressed or triggered. Uncovering and releasing these emotional blocks along with practising self-compassion and self-love was key to becoming the compassionate, connected and conscious parent I aspired to be.

It is not easy to share my journey, my flaws and doubts as I transitioned to motherhood. But I know that in sharing this story, it may resonate with other mothers who may be overwhelmed by the demands placed on modern-day mothers.

If elements of this reflection resonate with you, do not be dismayed. It is possible to change the course of your life to align with your values and desired parenting style.

Don’t Despair

The key to initiating change is having a compelling reason that inspires and motivates you.

Then follow this up by taking action in the following areas:

  1. Focus on self compassion, forgiveness and acceptance

As mothers we must learn to love and care for ourselves as well as we do for those in our care. This is the first step to conscious and compassionate parenting.

    2. Evaluate your parenting mindset.

First become aware of your thoughts, feelings and behavioural patterns. Once we become ‘conscious’ of our limiting beliefs, thoughts and patterns we then have the power to make the changes which allow for us to become ‘conscious’ in our parenting.

    3. Identify areas in your life that do not serve you and fill these with new positive lifestyle changes.

Doing a life audit gives us the opportunity to bring more balance, peace and joy into our lives.

   4. Slow down.

Creating a slower rhythm for your daily life allows for more connection, flow and harmony, reducing frustration and overwhelm.

If you would like to learn more on becoming more compassionate, connected and conscious in your parenting, I’d love to hear from you. You can contact me on 0412 909722, or join me in my facebook support group, Mum’s Soul Purpose (https://www.facebook.com/groups/mumssoulpurpose)  for more tips, tools and techniques on your journey to creating the life of your dreams.

Essential Oils for Emotional Balance and Support

After hearing Laura’s story over a coffee one afternoon I knew that she would benefit from essential oils to help support both herself and her beautiful boys. The oils align with her purpose and passion of allowing more flow and harmony into daily life and reducing frustration and overwhelm.

The oils I have recommended to Laura to diffuse and use topically are the four oils in our Mood Management kit – Balance, Lavender Peace, Citrus Bliss and Elevation. This kit is the perfect starter kit for balancing and supporting moods, emotions, restful sleep and overall wellbeing and happiness for both children and mums.

This kit is available to purchase for $124 with a wholesale account.

What do you get with a wholesale account?

  • Save up to 25% on all purchases
  • Welcome Pack with Free Wild Orange and Serenity Gift
  • Ongoing oils support and education
  • Workshops and Events with Serenity Wellness Collective
  • Become part of a supportive wellness community
  • Opportunity to become part of the generous Doterra Loyalty Program
  • Please note **** No lock in or monthly purchases, just order when you need.

Don’t have a wholesale account? Join Here

Purchase the Mood Management Kit